I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
Randomize
