i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
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