We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
Randomize
