i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
Your argument isn't valid... just because I test the waters doesn't make me gay. Makes me versatile. And who doesn't love that!
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
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