its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
i would have smoked before this dance, how ever i have surgery Monday and I looked up weed and anesthesia and fatalities was mentioned, so i decided that it would be a bad idea
probs a good idea
i like the whole idea of life and being alive
you sure you're not high?
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
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