So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
Randomize
