my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
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