you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
So there's 10 guys in this picture..I've made out with 5 of them. does this make me a slut?
eh 50% isn't bad..i'd say 80% is slut material.
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
Randomize
