if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
I am midnight drunk by noon
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
Me too it's so nice. Debated studying out there but woulda been 90% babe-watching 5% flexing 3% studying and 2% talkin my boners down.
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
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