My new storm is the chrons
The only reason I needed a new one is bc I threw up on my other one(248): And since Verizon doesn't have a throw up test, I was eligible for a new one
They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
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