i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
Randomize
