I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
Randomize
