Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
let's have our labels/stereotypes/careers for each kid by next week.
oh how i love working at summer camp.
Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
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