after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
Randomize
