Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
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