I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
Randomize
