Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
Randomize
