I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
Too much dab too little lung dying 😵😵😵
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
Randomize
