I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
If your talking about a poncho I WANT ONE
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
Randomize
