with her its the mind over matter factor, i dont mind and she dont matter
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
So about class tomorrow..... i,ll be there. But I may be still a bit drink and wearing a suit. I'll explain when I get there.
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
Randomize
