Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
OH MY GOD I AM DYING. AS I WAS TEXTING I JUST BUMPED INTO A MOTHER FUCKING DEER. I AM SHAKING
Wait...Literally? You hit a deer...with your body?!
I PHYSICALLY RAN INTO IT. I FELT ITS WEIRD HAIR AND I EVEN APOLOGIZED CAUSE IT DINDT REGISTER THAT IT WASNT A PERSON. MORTIFIED.
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Randomize
