Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
Randomize
