I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
And PS thanks for calling it my "sexual liberation" and not "slut fest 2010: part deux!"
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
Randomize
