He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
Randomize
