her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
Ok Ghana you win again. Tell you what...Double or nothing over women's tennis, basketball, hockey, war, baseball, golf, swimming, diving, oil spills, box office proceeds, internet porn sites, criminals incarcerated, women's downhill, bass fishing, NASCAR, or GDP?
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
Drunk walkin through police station. America
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
Randomize
