i mean i cnt help that this campus has the highest STI rate
You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
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