My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
she has over 3,000 tagged photos on facebook. dont tell me she isnt annoying.
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
Randomize
