u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
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