So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
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