After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
Let's paint friendship bongs
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
I know I'm not a hook-up kind of chick but he is a firefighter & an EMS worker. I felt like maybe I'd be a good person if I let a good person inside of me
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
Randomize
