He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
Randomize
