Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
Princesses don't give blow jobs
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
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