3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
Randomize
