Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
We have so much sex to catch up on
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
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