we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
I'm still hoping for it dude. Random north dakota pussy. If my 16 year old self knew that these were my dreams he would so try to beat me up, and i think he could.
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
Randomize
