Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
My life is pants optional.
The cl.oudds are foaming a really big pen.Is OMG.
Randomize
