I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
Randomize
