I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
Randomize
