i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
Randomize