We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
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