found out what b.m.t stands for.
what did you think?
bread, meat, tomatoes, but then i realized that could be practically any sub.
I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
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