well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
Idk. We dropped acid and Kevin ran away again. We didn't find him for like 3 hours.
Man I wish I had been there
Yah we found him in the pool shed of some elderly couple. They were on the porch watching all of the shenanigans. ...To be young again.
Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
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