My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
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