I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
Randomize