Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
Randomize
