i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
Randomize
