Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
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