I looked at my own cervix.
I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
Randomize
