my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
after a month anything with tits is on the radar
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
Randomize
