ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
