Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
I don't remember anything from last night, but at track I found my thong next to the high jump pit... So it must has been decent
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