my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
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