It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
Your cock deserves a montage
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
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