anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
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