last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
Randomize
