you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
so explain again why im purple
no
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
I need a burrito and a hug.
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
there is glitter all over my balls
Randomize
