they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
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