I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
vagina is talking i cant
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
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