so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
Tanner. All u drink. 10 bckaa. Locked in Porto potty outside. Constructed area. Main strrrreeeett. Fuck. Help. Pleese
Randomize
