She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
Randomize
