forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
Randomize
