I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
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