What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
Randomize
