Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
You guys sftrill at mcdondalds?!!!!
Yes.
fuckin bring me a cheseburgeria
She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
Randomize
