he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
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