I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
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