I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
Randomize
