Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
Have you finally orgasmed yet?
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
Randomize
