Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
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