how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
Randomize
