He kissed a someone with a penis
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
Randomize
