My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
Randomize
