He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
Weer fine. went to buiy cigxs, but hes theonly one waering shoes. He caem out wti chicke fingers instead. whatecer, there th 8 dollar kind.
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
Randomize
