you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
Randomize
