She told me she got a 15 on her A.C.T.. that's when I knew it was a done deal.
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
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