Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
Randomize
