I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
Played the LOTR drinking game last night. Ended up in boxers running thru the lot at ross's place screaming "for frodo"
im six kinds of drunk right now
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
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